Friday went as Fridays do for us in the PICU, (from his first surgery Fridays were always our worst days). Yes the tube was out then we were on regular O2 then we went to high flow then we went to C-pap. After a few more hours we all realized it was time to reintubate. I played doctor and listen to his lungs and watched his retractions and although his bloodgases were not too bad I told the doctor I could not hear anything on the left side so she listened and agreed with me (after asking if I was in the medical profession) that it was time. Teagan's left lung collapsed and we are hoping the vent will help open it back up. They asked if I wanted to stay in the room for the reintubation and I said yes because I'm trying to be really strong for him. Well they started to drug him for it and he stopped breathing...YES I said stopped! So they had to bag him and I'm just standing there while all these doctors gather round watching my son with white faces and look just as worried as I feel, no one tells me it is going to be ok and I don't want to bug them for fear they might turn away from Teagan. So I wait as long as I could and my Mom who is there to comfort me after I sent Kim out says just ask so I ask and the nurse says he is ok they plan on them to stop breathing just not that soon, meanwhile they tried three times to place the tube and finally got it in. Ryan called during all this and I told him what was happening and he was on his way up. We got things all calmed down and gave Teagan a extra blessing that his lungs will be strong. I hope we can all get rest after our long, hard day. I had to just tell myself that he is not there, his spirit is somewhere happy, it's just his body having to endure all this. It is so hard to watch them "beat the crap out of him" as they call it trying to get the crap out of his lungs by beating his chest. But I have to believe it is for the best. He did open his eyes tonight when all was said and done and I was able to look in his eyes and tell him everything was going to be ok. He is so beautiful, someone said he is too pretty to be a boy, but he is just my beautiful baby boy half heart and all. May our Father in Heaven keep him comfortable this night is my prayer. Good Night sweet angel baby, peace be the journey!
Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, because life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain.